reflections of nz
So as I sit here on my last day in New Zealand, unable to find sleep due to both excitement of seeing the love ones I have missed significantly, along with the sadness of having to depart from a country that I have grown to love so much, I look back on some of my memories here that have really made this trip one I will always remember. This trip has really opened my eyes for me. Being so far from everything that is so familiar made me take chances, be someone that I usually wouldn’t be. I have done some amazing things I would have never dreamt I would be brave enough to do, things I will never forget. Rolling soaking wet down a hill with speed while in the middle of a rubber ball, willingly jumping off the top of a bridge (and then forgetting to pull the drop chord so I had to hang upside down the whole way back up), being spontaneous and traveling on a very loose itinerary, rafting down below freezing water and falling out, and laughing so hard despite the unpleasant taste of salt water, during surf lessons. All of these memories I will always cherish, but there are the ones I wish I could erase forever from my recollections of my experience. Nights I tried on a new side different from myself, and did not like outcomes. Nights filled of puking red blood, running my mouth, being too flirtatious, picking fights with a good friend, basically nights when I didn’t know how to stay “when” and making a complete fool of myself. But being here I have learned so much about myself. I have learned how to be independent, not only by setting my own responsibilities like watching a budget, buying food and supplies, cooking, knowing when it was time to get down and be serious but also realizing you can not depend on anyone to make an experience better for you, it’s up to you. If you want to make the best of a situation it is up to you and you alone- you cannot expect someone else to make your time better, and after realizing that I started to enjoy my stay here so much more. I learned to be alone; I mean completely alone, not having anyone to physically turn too and how to overcome that and sometimes be okay with it.
I learned about boys. Living with four boys I learned what it was like to be the odd one out, and being okay with it. I learned to be easy going- to not allow the popped condoms all over the flat bother you or the endless amount of what appeared to be pubes in the bathroom gross you out (okay or at least tolerate them-for a distance). I felt what it could possibly be like to have brothers, and had so many great times with them. Like Garrett trying to take a blow job shot and almost choking on his shot glass, Marc- sweet as can be- thinking everything would give him cancer and such a calorie counter!, AJ always turning the lights off whenever he walked past my room and always asking when I was going to cook him dinner, and Arthur being smashed and puking everywhere and always trying to pop out and scare me-which he always did! They made me laugh several times. I meet Michael, someone who could relate to something familiar and could help connect me back to Iowa. A friend that would crack me up with the silliest sayings, someone who could truly just chill and swap advice with about the opposite sex, one who would always poke you in the eyes but could otherwise be someone who was very considerate. Michael who shares the same dream as I of having eight children (or more) has agreed that our children will have to be the best of friends- hopefully ensuring that we will be friends for life!
I learned a little about boys and love too. I didn’t accomplish my fantasy of studying abroad here and falling madly in love with some Kiwi and then marrying him, but I did fall for someone too soon and what I thought could be a dream come true only resulted in a heartbreaking nightmare. Although an accent can make you more appealing, it cannot always hide the fact that you are a jerk. I learned some boys try too hard, and often I dismiss them even though they may have turned out to be someone great, maybe even the one, and I am working on that. I learned how to be more confident. Not only did I learn how to let go and dance as if no one is watching, but I learned how to make boys dance with you! I went from being the girl who didn’t get not even one phone number over the period of a year to filling up my contacts strictly of males. I even had my share of kisses, but I will not tell. I also had times of sadness and complete self hate for myself, finding whatever reason someone might uncover to not be with me- something I will continue to try and work on when returning home.
I formed a love for cheap wines, which helped with the lack of real love, and started collecting wine bottles I thought were pretty. I saw the most hands down beautiful places in the world, scenes that could take your breath away, surrounds I will miss dearly. I realized who I missed the most, and therefore who the most important people in my life are to me. I looked at a friendship differently, and learned what to take from it. I didn’t go to class nearly enough, and stayed up many nights doing assignments and studying for test and although at the time it was quite annoying I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I managed to do it all. I laughed so hard I thought I would cry, times I did cry. Some nights staying up really late to email my mom about how much I missed her, or going through every single picture of my sister’s and sobbing. And I embarrassed myself way too many times, but I have greatly enjoyed my stay here and will miss it very much, but will take all my memories (whether I want to take the bad or not) and life lessons and use this as an opportunity to grow. If anything this trip has helped me look, edit, and affirm my goals in life and now it is time for me to move on and achieve them. This is only goodbye for now, New Zealand, you will always have a place in my heart.
What I have learned living with all boys…
For most of my life, I have grown up in surroundings dominated by females. For awhile growing up it was just my mom, sister and I- then shortly after my stepdad-who i have always seen as moderately feminine- came into the picture. So my home life- and lacking any super close guy friends in my social life- left me quite unfamiliar with the living habits of boys. When I came to chch (that is how they abbreviate christchurch here) New Zealand and found out that I was living with all boys I was quite curious and quite frankly a little bit scared. Now as the semester comes to the end, I can reflect over all my experiences with my flat mates and gain a sense of realization for the male living behavior ( I will never comprehend boys!).
Things I have learned about being the only girl living with four guys:
Bathroom
- There is no way of preventing it, the bathroom will always have smell
- Guys think that while living with a girl- it should be her responsibility to be in charge of the tp supply, since she needs it for every use.
- Although they act as if they don’t care about tp- as soon as its gone and they find themselves needing to go numbro dos- they will beg for it.
- Showers are a weekly (if im lucky) occurrence.
- They find no need to shut the door while peeing- some even while pooping.
- They love to announce/ bring attention to the smell that lingers after a big dump, i however do not enjoy when they do the same to me.
- while drunk, the bathroom floor is a desirable overnight spot, and for a pillow let’s just use the bath-mat that has little critters, i’m sure, living in it.
- They love girls shampoo/conditioner/ body wash- especially to use/smell/whatever while in the shower- Yes guys I know about that!
- They will tell you that the little black hairs all over the sink/toilet is from shaving- but we both know better.
- For some odd reason there is always bubbles in the toilet bowl along with a foul distinct male aroma.
Kitchens
- Apparently all food is fair game.
- Pans/dishes can be left out dirty for days and its okay.
- It is perfectly hygienic to clean your hiking boots with the same scrubber we use to wash dishes.
- Playing “find out what spoiled” is a fun game. A dark green loaf of bread however is just sick when outside of a dr. sesus book.
- Eggs are for throwing.
- We can always find a way to store five different tubs of ice cream- even if that means other food has to go.
- Bowls,cups,silverware, and plates are sacred, especially when clean.
- Seeing how much can fit in the rubbish and recycling becomes more of an unspoken challenge amongst flat mates. Who will get sick of it first?!
Bedrooms
- Sheets can last all semester w/o a wash- even after they have been chundered on.
- when a flat mate’s door is locked and isn’t answering- going through the open window is acceptable.
- Its fun to barricade people in.
- The floor is not a place to walk, but a place to store things.
- Boys will linger in your doorway just because your room “smells the best”
- The walls are far too thin, boys do not understand this.
- A girls underwear drawer should always be locked, boys are far too curious about that sort of thing- they can’t help themselves.
- Notes on your flat mates door is a nice way to relay messages, but it is also normal for those messages to be vandalized into perverted boy like jokes. ex-parcel becomes penis- with of course graphics.
- Nothing is private.
Other/General
- Girls turn on the tv to watch it, boys will turn it on as background noise and yell over it to socialize.
- Boys will do favors for one another for nothing in return, I however need to use candy bars as bribes.
- Soccer is played in the house- okay flat.
- It is not okay to call out a boy for having porn on his computer- but it is okay to bring up a girls sexual incidents on numerous accounts socially.
- They will always want to know about your boobs.
- It is extremely uncomfortable for EVERYONE when its that time of the month.
- The womanizing jokes are never old to them, but its okay cuz they don’t actually mean it.
- There will always be a contest on who can get there music the loudest.
- They will fart anywhere, anytime. It will smell, and sometimes be on the verge of pooping their seat.
- Couches and things will be broken, and will be broken until we can’t take it anymore.
- The phrase “because you are the woman” will never get old.
This living experience has be interesting, but i loved it.
I remember the first time I meet Marc, we had just moved in. One of jess’s crazy flat mates had lit her flat on fire and we were freaking out. Desperate I ran over to mine and tried to ask Marc for help, and he has I stood there in panic trying to explain and ask how to reach the RA, Marc stared back at me with a confused blank stare, “What’s an RA?” This was the first and many language barriers we would encounter throughout the semester.
There are so many things about Marc that I will never forget. I will never forget how he would leave his milk out for days- and insist it was still good days later when he wanted to use it. But even the slightest scratch on his frying pan would give him cancer- actually he thought everything would give him cancer! I’ll miss hearing his disco, at 3 am and at the highest volume, even though it had waken me from my sleep. I’ll miss how I would walk by his room and hear him talking to his online shows. I’ll miss him being my “trainer” and wish he would have kept it up longer, lol i certainly needed it. I’ll miss watching tv with him and trying to explain words and phrases to him so he could understand, but always failing. I especially remember the time he called me out for crying at a greys anatomy finale and how he tried to comfort me. He always took into consideration that I was the only girl in the flat, and tried to be as respectable to me as possible. I am certain I could have done anything, turned the flat into complete havoc, and Marc would just let me. He was the sweetest man possible. I’ll always remember his love for egg throwing, the rock wall and soccer, lemonade, a tidy flat, protein shakes, pancakes, and especially cheesecake!
I have been crying all day in anticipation for his departure, and now he is gone. I would like to say that this is not goodbye forever, but I know deep down that it is very unreasonable that I will ever see him again, and this makes me so sad.
I’ll miss you extremely Marc, You were an awesome flat mate, and a wonderful friend, and I thank you for that.
I hope to see you in the future, but if not I have countless memories I can look back on and enjoy. Love ya Marc, you may have been the closest thing to a brother I have ever had the pleasure to know.
I watched one of the best movies I think I have seen in a long time. I mean do you ever just watch a movie and immediately become obsessed with it? I tend to do this quite often, but only with a handful of movies and what I believe to be the best movies of all time. I can’t stop thinking about it, I even came home and swiped pictures which will now be the picaresque of love and happiness displayed on my background and got the soundtrack which I am sure will be continuously played for days.
I feel like I can totally relate to Jordan Gordan-Levitt’s character Tom, who has grown up believing that happiness will be achieved only when you find the “one”. After having a shit couple of days after realizing the boy I had fallen for far to quickly was a complete ass- this movie was exactly what I needed. Super cute in plot, and the way Jordan and Zooey worked together just made the story feel genuinely authentic. Oh how I would love to be as cute as Zooey, and be able to be that intimate with Jordan! He is so cute!!
Anyways this movie made me realize how cute a relationship can be, and really should be. I would love to be able to go to Ikea with my bf and pretend that all the housing sets are ours, or lay in bed just talking, or simply sitting in a park goofing around. That is so cute, and that’s what I wish I had. And I have decided not to stop looking for someone until I feel like I have that- and the possibility of finding that makes me so excited.
A letter taken from one of my other favorite movies’ words have been sticking with me the last couple of days. I am talking about the letter the two main characters share in the movie practical magic, it goes a little something like this:
“Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean.I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.”
In the end she was whole again. And although I have been growing up with the belief that I will always be empty and unhappy until I find my “one”, I know I should not worry about when it will happen and just enjoy life as it comes. So I vow to try. I will be whole one day, and I will enjoy the journey getting there. And until then smile each day and put all my faith into a simple four letter word:
Fate.
STAGE TUBE: '(500) Days of Summer' Stars Deschanel And Gordon-Levitt's New Music Video (Video Content) (BroadwayWorld.com)
I think these two have beautiful chemistry together. Both of them are just gorgeous too!
Yesterday was a good day. After a couple of pretty shitty days I went to check my mail, and found a package from my dearest friend Abby from London. Her letter and goodies made not only my day but totally turned around my whole mood. As you can tell by the photo she gave me a pair of snazzy london sunglasses, and this awesome recycled candle holder, and I also got a cute little lunchbox full of candies! But the thing I cherished most was her heartfelt letter.
No one will ever get me as much as this girl does, I have been truly blessed to have her in my life, to help me with my heartaches. After being down the last couple of days and after many great talks with miss Abs, I realized how can I be sad when I have someone this wonderful in my life! She is just amazing. We share the same struggles and hardships when it comes to love- but as long as I have her I know for certain I will always be able to find happiness in my life.
Thank you Abigail Elizabeth, for being my soul mate.
